My Mind

My Mind
This is my mind

Friday, February 8, 2013

Ghost writer's got a gun

I had absolutely no desire to write tonight. Had already put out the light of my monitor. Then this guy walks in with a gun and says, "Write!"

Whatcha gonna do?

"What do you want me to write?" I ask.

"Whatever," he says. You're the one sitting at the keyboard.

"Think it's easy? Think you can do it?"

"Sure," he says. "Here, hold this." He gave me the gun. "Now, move."

"Excuse me while I move over to the rocker, here"

"Just push those things out of the way and have a seat," he says.

Look at him. What a dork. Just moves over and shoves stuff offa the rocker. Good grief, when he sat down the rocker passed the rocker board across Sasha's tail. Wow. Never saw a dog jump so high.

" Heck. Anybody can do this. What was so hard about it. Why didn't you wanna write? I mean all you do is sit here and tap away. The words just come with the flick of a finger. Man, the way you grouse you'd think it was hard work or something. Yeah, yeah. You just sit back and watch."

"And what are you going to write?" That's the question the shlup asks.

"Same thing you do. Words. Just gonna see how they line up."

Now it's my keyboard and I'll try a few things. Now he's snoring. Easily bored I guess. Let's see...

There was a young lady from Blass
Who had a magnificent ass
It was not round an pink
As you may think
But was grey, had long ears and ate grass.

Yeah, I was cheating. I heard that somewhere. Maybe I could write an uncle Club story. Hmmm.

Yeah, we were riding down the highway, we were always riding down the highway, mixing Calverts Extra and coke and upending the glasses with each pour. He was feeling no pain and neither was I when we decided to rob a bank.

"OK," said Club, "you're the brains of this outfit. You figure us out a way to get into the bank and out with a sack o' money without getting caught."

"Shouldn't be to hard," I said. "They make movies about it all the time. Only thing is Club your car is too new. Didn't you see Bonnie and Clyde."

"Yeah, I saw that one. Ole Clyde was a cool hombre, huh?"

"No, stupid. Hombre was about a cowboy who was a half breed. Paul Newman, I think."

"Nope, you're wrong. Paul Newman was the Sundance Kid. He robbed banks in South America with Butch somebody."

"You got it wrong again, doofus. Robert Redford was the Sundance Kid, not Paul Newman."

"No he wasn't. He was that guy, never can remember his name in... Oh, you know the movie. Lotta piano music. What was that movie?"

"Oh, gees, Club. You're thinking about that movie with Somebody Keitel. You hated that movie, remember? That Keitel guy peeled off all his clothes right there in front of the woman who just wanted to play the beat up piano they found on the beach. Gives me shivers. Always have that god-forsaken image every time I hear piano music now. And I did so love the classics. Used to get misty over Last Date. Now I just have this horrible image of full frontal Keitel"

"You are a real dumb ass, Rug. Only movie I remember with a piano is that one with that actress--what's her name? You remember. She wallowed all over the top of the piano while that Bridges guy played. She wore that red dress and sang her heart out."

"Uh huh. I remember her she was the one who turned into a hawk during the day and into that luscious singer at night. She'd come out of the hawk costume into that slinky red number. Boy, do I remember that one."

"Think you're mixing your movies there, nevue. She was the one Nevada Jones tried to drown in the bath tub. That waz a spooky one. Her tried to drown her in the Thimble of Dumb or sumfin. Member?"

"Stoopid. That was that Clooney guy. Rosemary's brother, I think. He picked her up and jumped in a big puddle. Splashin' an' stuff."

"Wrongo, dipstool. He was getting' saved with the other two chain gang boys after ridin' roun' with Purty boy Floyd. Now that was a funny one. Laffed my ass off...."

"Whoa, there. Nearly hit that pidest..pedest..that walker there. Worsen that you almos' spilled your drink. Maybe you should pull over for a spell."

"You know, 'sted a robbin' a bank, we oughta run liquor. I gotta friend inna mounteens yonder in North Carolina. He's got a skill an makes moon. Now, Rug, what you doin' in that winda like that. I didn't say moon so's you'd moon that fella. Yipes, he ain't just a fella neither. That's John. John Law. He saw that big ass flappin' out the winda and I think he might just be a little upset. See that blue light flashin?"

"Hi, ossifer. Yeah, that's my stoopid fool nevue. No, he didn't mean nothin' by it. Drink. Yeah, you want one? Oh, you mean are we drinking. Well, not a whole lot. Yeah, that's true. But, you know the light was green and she didn't have no right to be in the road. I beeped. Really. I didn't think it was that close. Bent the wheel, huh. You know if somebody's gonna cross the street in a wheel chair they should have someone pushing them a little faster than that."

"You know, Club, I'm not real fond of the accommodations you found us tonight. I mean, a bucket. It don't even flush. And all these other guys. It couldn't a cost much. And how long did you rent it for? Seems like we've been here more than three days now."


"There you go. I did as good a job as you and in less time. You just let me know when you want me to write and I'll come over. Would you give me back my gun. I really need to be running on. Well, I guess you can read it first. I never told you to go to sleep over there. ...........Well? What did you think? Good huh? Uh, could you stop waving the gun around like that? Stop shouting, too? Now Rick the gun....Don't pull that trig............................................

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