I've piddled around with this to try and present a blog of my own design which is simply a mix and match of what the blogging site allows and this limits the imagination for those who are computer stupid. Be that as it may I will continue to put words on line with or without readers. This actually replaces the books I used to buy and use for my thoughts. About once every decade I would read through those old ledger books and rip out a dozen or more pages of the more unsavory entries. This I did to cheat myself since I tried to eliminate those things that showed me for who I was. There was so much that I did not like about myself from those days I removed the words thinking I could remove the behvior. Behavior which cracked through the facadebuilt up over years of patchwork. Those pages are gone but the part of me formed by those actions are still there buried under the rubble.
I learned many things over the years about the world and about myself. All my experiences have brought me to the place I am now. I've mellowed. I've altered. So many things for which I am ashamed provided the basis for my present self. I have altered through those activities---we learn through our mistakes---to find that the things I understand now would have been so much help back then to work through the problems of old and change accordingly. They have said it for centuries-- Youth is wasted on the young-- and it is still true. If I had known then what I know now perhaps life would have taken a different path.
Well, whatever the reason for being the person I am now that is who I am. I accept it. I was the one who made the choices. What all this comes to is I am writing a blog to replace the paper and pen of yesteryear. Here it takes a simple delete button and I don't have to expend energy ripping out pages and striking matches. It is now easier to eliminate oneself. Just as the final journey will come upon me one day so in the twinkle of the eye and I will go as quickly as the writing on this page.
Reflection is healthy.